Satirical Music Review

Originally published in Student Life’s 2016 April Fools’ Day issue: Libel, which features satirical pieces.

Freshman Arthur Goldberg III, otherwise known as DJ Mad Skillzzzz, recently promised his Rutledge House resident adviser and five Twitter followers that his new mixtape, which will be released via SoundCloud on Sunday, is “fire.”

“No, seriously,” Goldberg told Student Life in an exclusive. “It’s like…really really good. I put in some sick beats and even a couple cuss words. Don’t tell my mom!”

Goldberg used to be on KWUR, until he was released from his duties during his first broadcast.

“Usually we sever our ties with a prospective DJ on mutual terms,” senior and KWUR president P-Doddy commented, “but when he started performing his rap on air, we got so many immediate complaints that we had to send an apology letter to our listeners.”

P-Doddy commented on how the process of firing Goldberg was relatively easy.

“We just told him that he was too good for us and should release his own stuff,” she proclaimed. “I had no idea that he’d actually do it. Sorry, everyone.”

The mixtape features tracks such as “I Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Tray (But I Do Need Those Crepes),” “WUnderground Can Suck My Dick,” “I’m a Little Tea of Pot (explicit)” and “Itsy Bitsy Spied Her (Through My Window!).”

When asked about the potential impact of the mixtape, Goldberg predicted that it would greatly improve his street cred, especially among his freshman floor.

“Look out, Indianapolis Preparatory High School,” Goldberg said. “I’m way cooler than I was a year ago.”

Editor’s note: Goldberg’s mom could not be reached for comment at the time of publication.